Royal Baby Tips: How Common Folk Should Handle the Baby Delivery
Finally! I am so ecstatic they finally came out with the “Royal Tips for Dads in the Delivery Room.” You know, because normal folk like us don’t know no things such as this’n stuff right here.
If you’re shaking your head and wondering where, take a look: Royal Tips For Dads in the Delivery Room.
After looking through them all, I think I ignored every single one of their tips. It appears, I didn’t do anything right.
Tip #1: Don’t be afraid to ask questions…speak up!
When I was asked if I had any questions, I looked at the nurse and said, “No, I’m good!”
I was pretty sure I knew what was happening. My wife was there. Soon, there would be a baby there too! I had the gist of what was taking place.
Tip #2: Be open about your feelings, but not between your wife’s contractions.
I messed up real bad on that one. During the entire pregnancy, I was an absolute volume of commentary.
“Wow, that’s a lot of blood. Look at that crap! What is that crap? Ooh, here she comes. She’s coming Hun. Ow, that looks like it hurts! Are you kidding me? That’s how that’s supposed to…what?”
Tip #3: Advice for what to do when you feel dizzy…
I didn’t need any of that advice. I didn’t have a problem with it. I was right up there in the action, studying the plays, drawing on the chalkboard and cheering my little trooper on to victory!
Tip #4: “Do not bolt out of the room right after the baby is born to issue a press release.”
I broke that one about as bad as anything has ever been broken. I did laps around the hospital. I fell and twisted my ankle, then sprang back up and kept on letting everyone know that I was a new daddy. I think I went to the roof and announced it to the world. Not sure about that one. But, I wouldn’t put it past me!
Tip #5: Don’t eat!
I didn’t do too good with that one either. I had a meatball sub, a bacon cheeseburger, chili cheese fries and a few slices of pizza. Well, you know! I had to keep my strength up…
I know! They mean don’t eat around your wife because they told her not to eat. But, what are they talking about? I was sneaking my wife food while the nurses were down there checking how far she had dilated.
But during the actual birth, she was kind of busy…you know, she had other stuff to do. So…
Had I only had these tips years ago, I could have done it better. Do over! I want do overs! Let’s run that back! I can do it better this time. Look, I have the article… And, I read it too!
By the way, have you heard about my book A River in the Ocean? It’s a dramatic comedy about a father and daughter. Give it a look!